I hate you Pet Central Station Part 4 (parts 1-3 not published, but they're fucking real)

I am painfully out of cat food.

As in Ranse had an omelet for breakfast.


...Yeah


I know I won't have time to drive to the grocery at all today and I also know I better not come home without any food or Ranse is going to be annoying as hell. I guess neglect will do that to a kitty.

Anyway, there's only one pet store downtown, Pet Central Station. So I go there before my last class.


Me: (after walking around the store for 10 minutes and noticeably trying hard not to pet the giant store golden retriever who is following me around for a good portion of that time) Do you carry Science Diet?

Clerk: Oh no, that has bad things in it. We would never feed it to our cats so we won't sell it to you.

Me: (carefully avoiding admitting I usually feed kitty the shit with the cartoon cat on the front because it's less than $6 dollars at the HiVee and the only reason I'm looking for Science Diet now is because I have a coupon I peeled off the hefty stack of free samples the cat has been living on for the past few weeks) ...Oh.

Clerk: If you want something really healthy and tasty I usually buy a bag of this ($22), this ($25) and this ($36!!) and mix them together for a really tasty dinner.

Me: Ok... (sliding my coupon back into my pocket). Well, I've bought this for him before. (I point to a lonely bag way off to the side)

Clerk: Well, that will do. Our cats here won't eat it. This stuff is really good, the roasted duck or on the other wall we have a steak and sweet potato flavored variety. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Me: ...

The clerk finally leaves me there to pick my food and I decide on some french brand (as in the writing on the bag is actually in French) specially formulated to be "Extra tasty" for "Fussy cats" (chats difficiles) because suddenly I feel pressured to act like I care what the kibble tastes like , even though how the hell should I know if it's going to taste good or even like real food products because I don't try my cat's food for quality control even though right now I feel like that makes me a bad pet owner.

And soon I am shelling out the $25 dollars.

Clerk: Oh, when we first got this nobody would buy it and all the bags expired.

Me: Why do you have to be so passive aggressive? Honestly, if it's brown and kibble shaped I think the cat's going to be pretty happy eating it. And according to everyone since I let him outside he's going to get hit by a car and eaten by a raccoon before old age anyway so what does it really matter what's in the pellets?

Me: (for real this time) Uh, huh.

Clerk: But then we fed it to the cats and they seemed to really like it. We did a taste test, with multiple varities and most ate this kind.

Me: That's good.


Long story short I carry the super bourgie cat food around with me for the rest of the day (to class, dinner, the bar) and when I get home kitty is so excited. I immediately rush to open the bag and pour a bit out and 2 things:

1. It smells like a mother fucker.

2. It smells exactly like Goldfish Crackers. EXACTLY.


Gross gross gross.

I hate you Pet Central Station.