Those fish need spring water and a bigger tank.

I live in a very tiny building with only six apartments in it. As a result, I know all of my neighbors. Now, my landlords try to avoid renting to undergraduates, so everyone around me is either a professional or in grad school. For the most part it’s hardly noticeable that I am by far the youngest person (read: the only one without a college degree and at least some career-oriented job experience) living here. We all get along and visit and feed each other’s cats. We are good neighbors.

Today I have my door open and am sitting in the middle of my living room. My neighbor Steve walks by. He is in his mid-thirties and the only one of my neighbors I am not very close to. As in, we say hello, but I could not tell you his last name.

“Hey, thanks for the free coffee yesterday.” (I gave him a free coffee yesterday) “And, by the way, your cat is coming around the corner with a bird in his mouth.”

On cue, Kitty comes around the corner and spits out a baby bird. I run out and toss him inside so he can press his face against the screen door and hate me for it. On the concrete, the little bird is struggling to balance with one wing spread out at a pained angle.

“What do I do?” Suddenly I am 10 years old with a fish on the end of my line and a metal hook through his eye. I am looking at Steve.

“He’s going to die.” Steve states the obvious, while we both stall for decision-making time.

“I mean, he can’t survive.” He is looking at the bird and I am looking at him. He looks up and says very slowly, “I can take care of it if you need me to.” This is the longest conversation I have ever had with Steve.

“I can’t do it.” I tell him, because I can’t. Last year this happened and I just took the little bird to a bush and walked away. It was a month before I could pass by that area again. I wanted to be absolutely sure I would not see a single feather or a bitty skull.

He grabs a glove and carries the little thing to the back dumpsters. I feel like I did when I was 17 and left for crew practice after making my dad promise to take my cat to the vet; promise to have her gone and euthanized before I got back.

Steve comes back with nothing but the glove and we joke a little about all the crazy things our cats drag in before he heads upstairs and I leave for In N Out.

Five Guys trumps all

I finally made it to the new In N Out.


It's like McDonalds, but 15% better.

Oh Canada

I just got the hospital bill from being sick over spring break. I remember when I was younger and finding out that doctors and hospitals cost money. I was so shocked. I still don't think it has completly sunk in that people need to pay money to get well.

In Guns We Trust

It was slow this morning so I made this at work.





It's in response to Bush's unwavering stance on gun control post VA Tech.

"The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed." Perino (press sec) right after the shooting.

(sigh of relief core supporters)

Anyway, these are the best responses:

One guy asked if it was in response to the new dollar coin. Confusing.

A girl asked me if they were making these now. I said yes, the treasury department is surprisingly partisan. "Wow, that's so crazy!" She shook her head and walked away.

The woman who always asks me to break a dollar (so she can leave a quarter tip) LOVED it. I've never seen her more lively than when she told me how excited she was to see someone taking an active political interest in current affairs. She left $.50 today.

There was another woman I didn't recognize. She looked at the bill (both sides), but only gave me a weak smile.

"It's in response to the shooting at Virginia Tech."

"Oh!" She got it suddenly and looked very grave.
"Yeah, if only those kids would have been able to protect themselves."

Strange things always seem to happen in the used VHS section

Some guy gave me a hug at the thrift store today. I pushed him away really hard and walked away all huffy-like because there was no warning. He just pointed to a picture of Jesus and wrapped his arms around me.


I know he was crazy and probably homeless, but, later on, I was still pretty mad at one of the saleswomen when I saw her patiently showing him how to use a telescope from the antique and collectible cases.


She was smiling.

Pets or meat?

What I love most about this note (besides the fact it's an anonymous letter I found stuck to the outside of my door and it's telling me I'm beautiful) is that whoever left it was brilliant enough to glue these letters onto the back of this flier:





Oh, and that the picture in the corner seems to be hinting at some kind of threesome activity.

CP - 1... Carina - 0

At the café yesterday all my little coffee card stamps kept missing their mark. One even hit the counter. Now, as it is, I’m a little ball of stress right now and missing those coffee bean numbers over and over was making me quite anxious. It actually got to the point were every time I was off-mark I’d apologize to whoever bought the drink. I got fidgety.

While fiddling with the stamper I happened to flip it over and catch a glimpse of the rubber cutout inside. Instead of being in the middle where it usually sits, it had migrated all the way off to one of the corners. I was pretty mad and spent a good deal of time trying to pick it off and reposition it, but it was stuck pretty solid.




Anyway, I had to adjust.

High Noise Floor

David Sherman, the new film professor, told me a few weeks ago that when he visited the “Thomas Jefferson Museum” his docent said that Thomas Jefferson believed dried apples released a chemical that, when one gets thought blocked while working, could free up his thinking and actually make him smarter. Apparently TJ kept a few of these shrively guys stashed in the top drawer of his office desk. When he got frustrated or bored he would simply slide the drawer open and take a few breaths of apple air.

Anyway, I’m from Virginia and carry my annual pass to Mount Vernon in my wallet at all times (GW and I are tight too) so naturally, anything Jefferson says/thinks/does, I’m a believer. I am also naturally, constantly searching for ways to make my life easier. A miracle thinking apple seemed like a good idea.

First thing I did the next day was steal an apple from the café and set to drying.

A few weeks have now past and here we are:





My thinking apple’s head is half caved in and there is a festering furry spot right in the middle. Instead of drying properly and emitting a fine perfume of brain fumes, he seems instead to be turning into rot.

I don’t think rot makes you smarter.

I finally had enough time to clean my apartment today

1. 8mm projector with manikin head picture cut out and pasted on reel
2. DV tapes with raw footage of personal doc and ethnographic observation of Bev Sec's (Doc prof) cd release party
3. handpainted film
4. picture of Inch wearing a mask holding a worried kitty
5. flowers from Alana that made my day
6. camera batteries
7. CP 16mm camera
8. CP magazine (not attached cause it is too hard to load... everyone was right.)
9. secret art porn stash
10. india ink and glass paint for handpainting film (see 3)



close up of 9

Today was a good day for receiving mail that was not intended for me.

Joseph P. Woods, formally of Joseph P. Woods-your-poetry-has-been-rejected fame, is now Joseph P. Woods-have-people-told-your-book-should-be-a-movie?.

And for only $650 the Air Leaf company of Indiana will do just that apparently. (Cause when I think Hollywood opportunity I always start with Martinsville Indiana)

On a sadder note Jacob Nikrasch, dear taxpayer, the following amounts have been deducted from your Arizona income tax refund for the tax year 2006 to be applied to debt(s) for the listed agency(s) or court(s).

$83.00 Tucson City Court

Poor Jacob, perhaps this was for him too:




I think he could probably use a little guidance from this purple-sheeted mystery man.