High Noise Floor

David Sherman, the new film professor, told me a few weeks ago that when he visited the “Thomas Jefferson Museum” his docent said that Thomas Jefferson believed dried apples released a chemical that, when one gets thought blocked while working, could free up his thinking and actually make him smarter. Apparently TJ kept a few of these shrively guys stashed in the top drawer of his office desk. When he got frustrated or bored he would simply slide the drawer open and take a few breaths of apple air.

Anyway, I’m from Virginia and carry my annual pass to Mount Vernon in my wallet at all times (GW and I are tight too) so naturally, anything Jefferson says/thinks/does, I’m a believer. I am also naturally, constantly searching for ways to make my life easier. A miracle thinking apple seemed like a good idea.

First thing I did the next day was steal an apple from the café and set to drying.

A few weeks have now past and here we are:





My thinking apple’s head is half caved in and there is a festering furry spot right in the middle. Instead of drying properly and emitting a fine perfume of brain fumes, he seems instead to be turning into rot.

I don’t think rot makes you smarter.