I recently attended a huge family party in Davenport, Iowa.

Early in the night I'm standing with my friend Santiago and I realize a little boy has come out of nowhere and is staring at me. So, naturally, I stare at him thinking he'll, you know, stop. He doesn't. I get uncomfortable.

Me: Hi.

Boy: Hi.

And he's still staring at me, not in a nice way either. I need backup.

Me: Santiago, there's a boy looking at me.

Santiago: (looking up from his iPhone(yeah)) What? Oh hey, there is a boy looking at you.

The kid doesn't move or look away.

Santiago: How's it going?

Kid:

I'm panicking a bit on the inside now. He's still looking at me. Trying to make him equally uncomfortable clearly isn't working. I think to myself (not kidding about this part) 'OK, Carina you can do this.' And I attempt to engage with him like he's a real person.

Me: I like your shoes.

The kid takes off running.

I turn to Santiago.

Me: I thought that went well, didn't you?

Santiago: Yeah

Sorry homeless man I can't spare a dollar today because I spent all my money on THIS:

Goodbye mullet

I should not be a teacher or be in charge of the care of small creatures

The very same day I told my student to prey upon his weaker classmates I was involved in this conversation:

My girl has just pitched her group's project idea which involves feeding her cat catnip.

Student 1:
What exactly does catnip do to a cat?

Student 2:
I hear it's effects are very similar to that of LSD in humans.

Student 1:
Wouldn't that be bad for the cat? Like, doesn't LSD kill brain cells?

Me:
Yeah, but think about it, how many brain cells does a cat really need?

Same student as below:
I can't believe you just said that.

...I really need to stop sitting next to this kid.

I should not be a tracher

I'm teaching the other day.

Student:
Has this class always required you to work in pairs?

Me:
Yes, always. And it's good for you.

Student:
Well, that should be in the course description because I have some projects I intended to work on in this class.

Me:
You have access to the equipment, do the project outside of class time.

Student:
They will take too much time. I was planning on having class time.

I swear to god this was my teacherly response...

Me:
Well then, choose somebody weak.

Student 2 (who was just casually sitting next to me):
I can't believe you just said that.

Where is my teaching medal?

I'm sorry, I can't engage with you now, I'm too busy creating meaning

Me:
Hey, if you or your girlfriend are interested in getting out of Iowa City and meeting some non-film/art people I volunteer and help people with disabilities learn to ride horses. I go Saturday mornings, you could come along.

Co-MFA:
Oh, we can't do Saturdays.

Me:
Well, I'm thinking of adding an extra day, I've been a little bored. Maybe that will work better for you.

MFA:
You're bored?

Me:
Uh.

MFA:
How could you possibly be bored?

Me:
Mostly I just want to add another day. I really like the volunteer thing.

MFA:
Why would you do that? Shouldn't you be making films during that time?

Me:
Well, you're right. I probably should be making art for art's sake instead of donating my time and skills to help less fortunate members of my community.

MFA:
...when you put it that way.

Let me introduce my stupid neighbors

My neighbors had a party a few days ago (you remember when it was warm, back before it dropped like 40 fucking degrees in one day). Right, so I woke up the next morning to discover it had been a beach themed party complete with tikki torches, Corona bottles, and a slip 'n slide. Fun, huh?

Here is a diagram of how much fun it must have been:




Dude.

2533 0e

The 'fn' b4tt6n 6n 0y 2eyb6ard 5s st4c2 6n.



And 0y 5nterent 5s br62en and n6t gett5ng f5xed 4nt53 sat4rday.




h6t 0ess.

Bleh...

How gross is it that Kitty and I have a cold at the SAME TIME?

Ranse planted himself by the fish tank for half an hour really thinking hard about how to get the fish out without getting his paws wet.

Tom Doniphon and Dutton Peabody and a snail named Doc Willoughby

Liberty Valance

Ransom

What's the deal ladies?

For the third semester in a row I only have one girl in a video production class.



WTF?



We can't get ladies into production courses, it seems.



Miracles has the same problem with men.



No boys want to hang out with disabled people.



I guess they're too busy fondling their six thousand dollar cameras and boom poles.

Waay ahead of his time.

It was my first day back at Miracles and also the big 20th anniversary celebration. Many of the students, volunteers, and community members came out for the lessons, demonstrations, and horse-face cake.

I helped out with the drill team demonstration, which basically meant I walked around with a lead rope for 20 minutes while the very independent students did their thing to some god awful music clearly picked simply because it had the word 'miracle' in the title.

Luckily, I got to stand with one of my favorite students who I haven't seen in months.

And, somehow, in those months he got waaay cooler.



Here's why he is cooler than me:


First he bleached his hair, not white-ish, but yellow. YELLOW, yellow.


Next, he was sporting some neon pink shades (almost famous sunglasses, but pink all over)


Matching stonewashed jeans and jean jacket which had been hand altered with neon orange, yellow, pink, and green signatures and drawings (I assume from his transition center comrades)


Black Chucks with neon pink laces


and, because he has to sit through the same drill team song every week waiting for his own lesson, he had choreographed his own dance which he performed just for the very few of us on top of one of the back tables.




Total rock star.

Cornhole, anyone?

I swear the guys in the house next to mine have been playing bags everyday for a week straight.


You might say, "Carina, you haven't even been in town for a good bit of the past week!"


I can tell though.






They're just that good.

Why am I in charge?

So, I've been spending the last couple days trying to write/plan my syllabus for fiction video production. I need to come up with three production assignments. I like the standard dialogue assignment, I have to keep the final project do-as-you-wish in under 5 minutes, but really can't stand the typical in camera edit first assignment.

Since I don't actually have a narrative filmmaking background (...shhhh) and really want them to have the freedom to be really creative without coming up with a police chase scene or drunkin-fratboy-rape scene (at least not until their final projects when I lose control, sigh) I have decided to force my background on them.

Assignment One: Take one of the provided Yoko Ono experimental scripts as inspiration for a three part structured narrative.

Here are some examples (and there are so many more):

Film No 4: Bottoms

String bottoms together in place of signatures for petition for peace.

Film No 11: Passing

See the sky from the bottom of a very deep well. A cloud passes through slowly from left to right and disappears.

Film No 12: Your Legs Forever

The camera work of the entire film should constantly go up, up, up non-stop. Collect 367 pairs of legs and just go up the legs (from toes to the end of thighs) pair after pair and go on up until you run through the whole 367.

Film No. 13: Fly

Let a fly walk on a woman's body from toe to head and fly out the window.




I can't wait for this semester's evals.

Girl, Your Kitchen is GREEEEN

(Reason # 452 why you should come visit me: Home improvement opportunities)

Here is a list of reasons why visiting me is better than whatever the hell you are doing right now.

Sweet rides.

We do what we want.

We hang loose with this guy.


Hot Hugs for all.


Loose seals!


We don't use our hands


...ever

Free rides. (yes)

5 star dining.

We're that close with the Might Mississip.


It's sooo big!

Dreams...

Do come true.


And finally, the best quack money can buy.

Chicago Slumber Party

I think we all saw this coming...

Well it finally happened.

I am officially a bad mother.

Kitty was arrested this afternoon for wandering and has to spend the night at in jail.


That's not the bad mother part.



I am going to Chicago tomorrow and have to leave before the pound opens.

I have to ask my neighbor (the guy who turned him in in the first place) to take Kitty's proof of shots, new address, and $25 in legal fees to spring him.

But, I'm not coming home until Sunday and haven't made a spare key yet.


So, after neighbor springs Kitty from the joint, Kitty is going to have to figure out a way to shimmy up the side of the building, onto the hot tin room, through the slightly unhooked screen and in through the open window, where he will find a pile of food and a stern note telling him how disappointed (but not mad) I am with him.


And that I love him and will see him soon.

I do what I want.

Where's my Super Nanny?

New Apartment!

View from the front door.


Summer Camp?


Foyer


Stairwell



Of course I found a place for "Moby and Dick"

Kitchen! (Nice carpet, eh?)




Dining area



Close up of stovetop


Because when I drink, I like to sew. Naturally.



Living room. (Notice the high number of gilded mirrors and frames. That's right.)



This picture is really washed out. The blue walls are much more vibrant than that and the couch is slightly less orange looking... slightly)



Daily affirmations



This is the dresser in the bedroom. That's all I can show because my bed isn't coming until tuesday.




How exciting.