Feeling Eggy?

OH MY GOD



I absolutely have to get this dog:



"Lulu belonged to a special and gracious lady who cared deeply for the plight of homeless animals. She recently passed away leaving Lulu an orphan. This equally wonderful canine was born blind, we think, as she is so well-adapted and behaved...she listens without telling :-)"

And then this one as my replacement adorable dog when the first one dies of old age or possibly (let's be honest) minor neglect.


"What a COOL dog Pongo is!!! Pongo is about 20 months old and came to us as a stray, apparently he was dumped out in the country and left to fend for himself! This dog has the most wonderful personality, he is very good natured and very out going! He is really good with all people!"




What a COOL plan.

NOVA gives a fuck

It's early and I'm taking the kitty to the vet for a few shots and a bit of a feel up. On the ride home I pull up behind a big SUV with these two bumper stickers stuck up next to each other:



I would have thought it was hilarious and brilliant had it not been for the 9/11 shrine lined up on the other side.





Ps. Martha Stewart totally just named dropped Canyon Ranch... Bourgie.

What would Bukowski do?

I had two similar and rather surprising(annoying) run-ins with camera phones recently.

Last Thursday I was working outside at a catering event in Reston. There was a bit of a lull between the waves of people and I was just standing there staring at the parking lot. Off in the distance I saw an older man pull a briefcase out of his car and a cell phone out of the briefcase. As he walked towards me he held the phone out in front of him, squinting at the little screen. He pointed it at me as he walked by and into the building.

About twenty minutes later (amazingly during ANOTHER lull) he comes out and pulls out the phone again. This time he walks right up to me and holds the camera steady in front of me.

"Look. Smile. It's a camera. I just got it. It holds 100 minutes."

"Are you going to take 100 minutes of this?"

Then he walked away.

***
The next night I was out with my sister and two other girls. The four of us were stopped at a crosswalk when I looked at the car next to us. Inside there was a 20-something man(dude), his passenger window rolled all the way down so he could lean across and stick his camera phone out for an unobstructed picture.


"I think that guy is filming us."

He was unfazed.

"That guy is filming us."

I stared and pointed right at him. He was all of ten feet away. Everybody looked just as the light turned. The man creeped slowly (painfully slowly) away, eyes still on the camera phone until we were out of sight before the four of us continued to our party.

***

Not too long after I got this message from a Dove chocolate:


Since I always believe/follow the written advice of all of my snack foods, I am beginning to think perhaps it is time to take alias blogging to the next level.

Alias living?!






Perhaps not.

My Dad loses his shit everytime this commercial comes on:

I love it.

Who do we know...

that should own this dog?

Am I the only one who though Jessica Simpson's meat t-shirt was a hilarious and uncharacteristic sex joke?



Guess so...

PETA's Top 5 Reasons Only STUPID Girls Eat Meat

Narcissism <3s consumerism

Exhausted my Googling my own name (yet not ready to let go of such an easy and wonderfully self-absorbed form of entertainment), I decided it was time to branch out.

Tonight I Amazon searched my own name.

And...


The Tokidoki Carina Cactus Cat



Carina fly fishing reels (complete with hovering Carina logo)


Carina the vacuum cleaner




Carina the oil rubbed brass finished single sconce

Carina the nebula poster
Carina the tropical cyclone poster
Carina the tropical bay resort poster







Carina the multiple DVD player stand

and finally a fake pink street sign that says "Carina's hole."




I need $1,143.

I feel like making a paper chain countdown

I just found out that I will be back in Iowa for the Iowa State Fair this summer.



I am so excited.

Defense

Almost the entire first floor of my parents house is this same hardwood...



I'm a little worried.

I learned a long time ago that for me one of the hardest parts of moving is getting used to a new kind of 'dirty.' Dirty being the natural state of a place and when you're not used to it, it just feels like the element is sticking to your skin. In Tucson it was the dust, in VA Beach it was the smell of low tide and the creek in the back yard, in Cedar Rapids it's definitely the smell (though nobody knows just what it reminds them of), in DC it's the swampy humidity, and, for me, in Iowa City it's the bugs.


While I am a firm believer that cockroaches, ants, and those fake ladybugs that travel 400 deep and bite(?!) are God's gift to the Raid Company and should be treated accordingly, I've got a bizarre hold up about killing spiders. I don't like spiders. I don't like them near me, looking at me, in my house, or webbing up my stuff. So (as long as its not one of those giant brown spiders which I swear are big enough to have a personality and possibly a job and pet of his own) I get a paper. I hold it out in front of them and those spiders that can be convinced to walk forward onto the sheet get a free trip to the garden or, if it's nasty outside, into the bushes at the base of my window.

Those that refuse a change in surface,however, perhaps too stubborn or shy, eventually do meet the paper as I use for cleanup after flattening their little bodies against the wall or hardwood floor.

infinate wisdom and redundancy

So, in my infinite wisdom of coming home this summer, I came home, did not get a job, and spent tonight drinking, trying to figure out a way to Skype and Gmail chat simultaneously, and repeatingly painting my nails five times.

Just so everyone knows: Black + yellow + orange to black again and finally red = the exact color of ruby slippers.

...Makes me wonder if I could eliminate the middle man.

IQ test to work day

Most of Springfield and the surrounding areas are still without power. This means no traffic lights. How do we deal with this problem in a safe and budget conscious way?

Not by stationing traffic cops strategically at major intersection.

No, by using (non-salaried) traffic cones to block all left turns.

You can still get places, but only if you can plot an entire course in your head using only right turns.

Total mindfuck.

Hand crank radio: Check, Jugs of water: Check, Christmas cheer: Check.

A few days ago I come home and my mother is reading Time magazine. The cover story is asking the reader if there is a catastrophic desaster will you be one of the survivors. I walk in and my mother, very seriously, asks me if I thought I might survive.

"Iffy."

"I know I would survive, I'd be a fighter. I'd be one of the few that actually makes it."

...

For those of you not living or visiting the Maryland/Virginia area this summer, there was a series of tornadoes yesterday leaving most of the area without power.

I was the only one home when the power went out. I, naturally, spent the afternoon and evening praticing my masterful survival skills of wasting my laptop battery and wondering about the relationship between power outage distance and restaurants I might consider eating takeout from. Not a totally unproductive afternoon considering.

My mom and dad finally made it home. So, after arguing with my mother who was holding a can of refried beans in one hand and corn in the other while insisting we had dinner right here, Jim and I got in the mini van (mom told us we were not allowed to crash and die in her Prius)and braved the torrential downpour and possible tornado sighting in Maryland for calzones and chicken salads.

It took forever because half of Springfield had our same idea, so by the time we got home it was late and nearly pitch black inside the house.

Luckly, my survivorman mother had broken out her for-emergency-only supply of Christmas themed candles.




We had a lovely dinner taking turns cranking the hand crank radio every ten minutes until Jim realized it also took batteries.

fuck you Joneses

Nothing like having the best dressed lawn clippings on the block.

Cutting room floor.

Here's a video I scraped up that didn't make it into my semester project. 

Enjoy.

Dear Guantanamo,

Might I suggest a bug bite on top of an ENORMOUS bruise. 

Feel Good Mother's Day

3 people I really like

One of my riders tells his horse to "walk on" by asking very politely, "Rock on please, Sonny. Rock on."

In the same class there is a boy who (normally almost silent and with only the best intentions) screams like bloody murder all of his commands.

"Ok, Tell Mike to 'trot.'"

silence...
silence...





And finally, one of the girls came in today wearing an all black jumpsuit, black cowboy boots, and a pink rhinestone encrusted half-jacket. She spent all morning striking poses, not for anybody in particular, just by herself in the crowd. Every now and then and only for brief moments a hand would go on the hip, an arm would extend and a toe would point.



Rock on, kids.

I was at the MFA thesis screenings recently, standing in line to enter the theater and chatting with a friend of mine and a guy I had never met before. 

Carlos: How's school blah blah blah?

Me: Oh you know blah blah blah. 

Carlos: What about the class with all the tools in it?

Me: What?

Carlos: You know, the one with the guys playing with power tools.

Me: Oh! Ugh!

(Turning to Carlos' friend who I had just met to explain the class)

Me: It's this class where we build sets and things, but really it's just a bunch of guys playing with power tools. 

New Friend: Oh, I don't think I would like that, I don't like power tools.

Me: Yeah, I don't really either. Usually I just yell at the guys in my class, "I need a man over here, I want to screw something!" 

I actually kind of yelled it (you know, better story that way) and immediately turned bright red. 

 

This is a graduate level class you can take here at Iowa

Textile Science: 

This is a study of textile fibers, yarns, fabrics, and products. Topics include textile properties, fiber science, yarn and fabric construction, textile testing and standards, dyeing, and finishing. The class has one lecture and one lab each week. In the lab, students identify types of fibers, dye fabrics, and conduct a project. Examples of lab projects are examining the strength and absorbency of fabrics, examining the appearance of fabrics under different types of light, and developing classroom materials on the relationship between textiles and electrostatic cling. Grading is based on two exams, lab work, and participation/attendance. Students must purchase a text, a packet, and some materials for their project.